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Why do baby clothes have pockets?
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
I’m single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
Well kids, texting wasn`t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You had to click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
I`m obviously smarter than you`re
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.