Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Fidget Spinners are so dumb pointless." -The generation that purchased over 5 million Pet Rocks.
I found a bottle of vodka under my bed, skittles under my pillow, & boxes of noodles in my closet. I`m like a fcuking alcoholic squirrel.
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
Guys, if a girl invites you upstairs for "coffee," first make sure she has coffee, you don`t want to get up there and there`s no coffee.
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
Just made eye contact with a guy while licking my lips ... I think I need to kill him now.
I need to find a woman that loves me for my money....but doesn`t understand math. (<>..,<>)
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.
Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol