Daily Silly Status

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.

I hate to admit it, but I’ve got a serious drinking problem. I don’t have any more money to buy liquor.

I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.

Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of "going to the gym in 2013."

How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?

My therapist just offered me my money back.

It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.

You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.

Going to Walmart with my mom and kids is a great way to test if the Xanax is working!

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...

I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.

I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.

I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.

thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!