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Whenever I screw up at work, I`m so glad I`m not a doctor.
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
slugs are snails that are going through a divorce
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
Anything I say or do before I`ve had my coffee doesn`t count.
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
"I don`t see color." - A person who shouldn`t eat snow.
If you could have one super power would you pick flying, invisibility, or falling asleep without questioning every decision you`ve ever made
Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
Call me old school, but I think your shorts should be longer than your private parts.
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.