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Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
Shout out to metaphors. Without you there would only be like four songs.
Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throw away ANYTHING, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord..
I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my doctor calls them, symptoms.
Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.
Instead of cleaning the house I just watch an episode of Hoarders and I think WOW, my house really looks great.
why waste your brain cells to think of a comment when you can just like someone else`s?
My life may be a mess but at least I didn`t make a harlem shake video.
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
Their bedroom door is closed. I better walk in there for no reason. - kids
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!