Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When people ask me what I`m going to be on Halloween, the answer is always the same: really drunk
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.
Never compliment a lady on her mustache no matter how magnificent it is