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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
Still don`t understand why you can`t end a company-wide email with, `Later b*tches.`
My favorite thing about decorative towels is how you`re not allowed to use them. Because nothing says class like useless towels.
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
Guys, if a girl invites you upstairs for "coffee," first make sure she has coffee, you don`t want to get up there and there`s no coffee.
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.
I wish all my freckles would just mix into a tan.
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands