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A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I`m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
I can`t believe we made a movie that is essentially giving the apes a blueprint on how to take over the Earth.
Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!
1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? - top 3 things on my mind when I`m in a conversation
"Do you have a charger?" is the new "Could I bum a cigarette?"
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
Today is National animals day, please take a moment to remember your ex :p:p:p.
"You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like sh!t."
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
If Facebook has taught us anything, it`s that a lot of people are not quite ready for a Spelling Bee.