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when she says "size doesn`t matter" what she really means is "I have been disappointed before." :)
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
I put my head between my legs and lean forward.....thats how I roll
Give a man a fish and chances are you won`t be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
After 3 "it`s complicated" statuses, Facebook should just default to "Unstable"
Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
My best friend sent me a message saying,"Your stupid," I replied,"atleast I know the difference between you`re and your,"
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments so they look crazy.
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.