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Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
TV needs to stop putting up those stupid “viewer discretion” warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance.
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they’re going to put you in one.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
The mailman just delivered an 8-track of Boz Skaggs Greatest Hits. I guess this fulfills my Columbia House obligation.
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
My 5 year old still has so much to learn. I asked him for a screwdriver and he brought me some sort of tool.
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.