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If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
I`m really good at making poor decisions. You`re my favorite so far.
When I see a guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he`s homeless or just tired from breakdancing.
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
I`m giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
There may be two sides to every story, but you’re still a douche in both of them.
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
I was born at a very early age.
Okay, enough procrastination. Time for excuses.