Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
I removed my windshield wipers and now I don`t get parking tickets. Suck it meter maids!
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
Safe words are for quitters.
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
Putting on deoderant and colonge because you haven`t showered in days, is as about as useful as shutting the lid on a toilet after its overflowing.
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember all the things I was suppose to do.
It`s hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping