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Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
my Dr. says i have ADHD, i dont know how they see.... oooooh a squirrel!
This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
A wasp just landed on my balls. Hardest decision of my life.
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now I’m gonna be up all night worrying.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
I wish the minutes after hitting the snooze button lasted as long as microwave minutes.
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??