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So when a couple gets engaged on Facebook for April Fools it`s okay to comment "hahaha" but the rest of the year it`s rude??
I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
Half of me is a hopeless romantic. And the other half of me is, well, an asshole.
I haven`t talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn`t want to interrupt her.
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.
Stop undressing me with your eyes!...Use your teeth!