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So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed ... Again.
I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" then we both laughed and laughed... And now I need bail money.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
If history has taught us anything, it`s that reheated french fries are gross.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
I don’t know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you they’d post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?