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Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
I just wanted you all to know that I`m leaving Facebook. The ride has been a blast and I`ve made a ton of friends. Your humor and wit is amazing. I`ll miss all of u, but I`ve decided I need to spend more time with my family...so see you after breakfast!!
I’m a proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants.
We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
When I win the lottery, the first thing I`m going to buy is a pot to piss in. I`ve always wanted one of those.
Don’t bother flirting with the girl from accounting, she knows how much money you really make.
Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
Objects in spandex are larger than they appear
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
If you step on someone`s foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.