Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I downloaded this app called "Hide & Go Seek". Ever since then I cant find my damn phone.
Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight. - The Swiss Army
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
A cop comes up to a man on the street. Cop: Seen anything unusual? Man: A dolphin with a hat once. Cop: I mean around here. Man: No, they live in water.
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
The biggest lie I tell myself is: “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”