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They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
I`m so hungry I could Instagram a horse.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
Mondays should start at noon.
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East.
The only thing alcohol can`t cure is alcoholism.
Me: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you’re smart too, I like that.
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn`t starving!!
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.
why we do not have a romance class...............
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.
"Always leave them wanting more" is my new mantra when paying bills.