Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
real eyes realize real lies
I think my guardian angel drinks.
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
McDonalds ... closing thigh gaps since 1967.
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"