Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
You can learn a lot about a woman by watching her load a gun.
The right man breaks your headboard, not your heart.
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
I love sleep because its like a time machine to breakfast.
When I have a yard sale I play the theme song to Sanford & Son with a boombox on my porch.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy that just wanted to check out a girl’s butt.
I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.
To avoid conversations at work, always walk with purpose and a toilet plunger.
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!