Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Bored? Update your Facebook to “in a relationship” with someone you’ve never met just to see if they’ll confirm.
Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating salad.
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
I`m pretty sure my laundry breeds while I sleep.
Your selfie would be way better if you weren`t in it.
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
Even though I`m only 29, I know I`m going to die a bitter, lonely, miserable old man ... I`m married.
China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile but because... Their condoms are made in China.
Sometimes I can`t figure out if I`m in pre-school... high school.. oh wait, I`m at work.
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg and some days you`re that guy who hit the propeller on the way down.
My dance moves are somewhere between “dog being shocked by an electric fence” and “squirrel crossing the road.”
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted