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You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
What idiot called it "best man" instead of "lord of the rings"
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good.
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers make any f*cking sense.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.
I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.