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Apparently I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
I`m selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
You don`t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?
“Make it rain” is the only appropriate response when asked if you want freshly grated parmesan.
The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.