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My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
Don`t worry about the grass on the other side. It`s not your grass.
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
I was going to do some spring cleaning, but the snow has ruined it for me.
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
This is 2016. How come I can`t email someone a fart when I feel like it?
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets!
I think I`m going to run for political office, so people can dig up dirt on me. I have been wanting to piece together my twenties.