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I go to McDonald`s once a month just to replenish the napkin stash in my car
I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
Let`s all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
My 6 year old has already asked me 4,327 questions this morning. I`m seriously considering getting another Vasectomy just to be safe.
Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they`ll dig the wrong way. It`s called thinking ahead guys.
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?