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Happy people don`t take long showers.
I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.
Ladies - I am still available as a great last minute Christmas gift!
A word of advice, stay on my good side. My good side is in Hawaii.
You can always make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
Hoodie Footie Pajamas from Pajamagram; because nothing tells a girl you love her like giving her something to cover up her body from head to toe before she gets in your bed.
11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You`re making a scene."
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
I just blew all my party money on bills again
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
Just when you think someone couldn`t be any more annoying I test your theory.
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.