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Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
Rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off of the floor is another story.
You know what tastes better than one taco? Two tacos!
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
Walking past a new employee`s desk & yelling, "Do you think it`s a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?" will never get old.
Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don`t think of until too late
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
Nothing starts my day off quite like an inspirationsl status!...May your day go fast, your socks match and your underwear no ride up your a$$.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
I may be asking too much of this coffee.