Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I went for a run today. What the hell is wrong with you people why would you do this to yourself you need help.
Your secret is safe with me as long as it`s boring.
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
Some people have a natural talent for stupid. Others take that talent and actually ENHANCE it!
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose vodka.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
Last night I had this awesome dream, where I fought this huge fat ninja and knocked him out with my super power punch. I`d tell you more but I have to take my wife to the doctor. She has this mysterious black eye.
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
I don’t use Siri because I have to deal with enough women who have no personality and know everything.
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food.
Anyone who knows me obviously knows a shit ton about awesomeness.
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
I like staying up insanely late but I also like getting 12 hours of sleep. See my dilemma?