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I always laugh at myself. If I didn´t, everyone else would be having fun without me.
Now that my kids are getting older, I`m worried I`ll never have the opportunity to leave my wife for the nanny.
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I`m tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has to clean the bathroom at Taco Bell.
It`s so cold out I`ve turned 50 Shades Of Blue!
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
They said I couldn`t drink or operate machinery on my medication. But here I am…Driving a forklift…Sipping a beer…Lifting up my boss`s car…
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.
dont love..dont hurt...keep doing flirt..:)
Just when you think someone couldn`t be any more annoying I test your theory.
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..