Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My girlfriend said we can`t hang out this weekend because she doesn`t really exist.
I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.
WHAT DO WE WANT!!! A cure for hangovers WHEN DO WE WANT IT!!! Please stop yelling
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
I`m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it`s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I`m still better than you.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
I`m no cactus expert, but I know a pr!ck when I see one
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
Being an adult is mostly just wondering if the stuff in the dishwasher is dirty or clean while eating soup out of a sand castle bucket.