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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
My dog was licking his balls. My friend said "I wish I could do that." I said "You better pet him first; he can be mean sometimes."
The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
Kicking a man while he’s down burns 150 calories.
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
I work out by ordering a small drink at Burger King, then get up 100 times to refill it.
Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
You’re one of those women that my mom warned me about…Here’s my number.
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"