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I`m thankful for many things, but mostly that there were no camera phones when I was in high school.
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
Summer is real cool until every f*ckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell.
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
It`s impossible to get a parking ticket if you don`t have windshield wipers.
Got tasered at speed dating again.
Apparently members of the Westboro Baptist Church were outside a theater when the marquee gave way and came crashing down injuring several of them amidst their protest. Witnesses overhead many of the members muttering to themselves, "It must be a sign."
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
My boss told me that if I can`t show up sober then don`t bother coming to work tomorrow. Three day weekend!
My life is based on a true story
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them so damn often.