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If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
We live in a world in where it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
How long do I have to stand in front of the microwave for to become a member of X-Men?
Peppermint schnapps might seem like a ridiculous drink, but nobody at work ever complains about my breath.
Is everything expensive or am I simply poor?
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.