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According to my nipples, summer is over
When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
Perhaps Voldemort’s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
If you have attention deficit disorder, throwing boomerangs isn`t for you.
Learn cursive, they said. You`ll need it your whole life, they said.
I am the undefeated champion of this”smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don’t-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day” game.
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
It`s not too late to start convincing our children that the world really did end in 2012 and we`re the survivors.
just spilled alphabet soup on my keyboard. I`m so confused