Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
tried being normal. Didn`t like the feeling, so I`m going back to being ME.
That awkward moment when u start telling a story only to realise no one is listening so you slowly fade out and pretend to have said nothing.
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
So Stevie Wonder is going to become father to triplets next year. I guess he didn`t see that coming...
My therapist says I`m a clueless, un-observant trainwreck. Which is weird because up until this moment, I never even knew he was a therapist.
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.