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I end a sentence with "just sayin" because ending it with "dumbass" would be offensive.
Every woman in this world is beautiful...........except for the ugly ones!
Laxatives............for people who don`t give a crap.
If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
Just quit my job so I can spend more quality time giving out candy crush extra lives.
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
Was disappointed when I watched the films Shaft, XXX, X-Men, In To Deep, Snatch, The Box, Free Willy. None of them were what I expected...
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like "Dude, you have to wait."
Life`s too short for Salad..............
When my kids grow up, Iām going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say Iām bored & then just leave!
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.