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If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting inside a bar.
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
The funny moment when a fat kid says "that`s how I roll".
If you don`t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.