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So when a couple gets engaged on Facebook for April Fools it`s okay to comment "hahaha" but the rest of the year it`s rude??
Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
I`m looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
Just been informed that my spirit animal is Eeyore.
I woke up this morning with a glass of water on my bedside table with a note saying “for hungover me” I drank it and it was vodka. Drunk me can be such an asshole!
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
Ladies: if you argue with your man naked, you will win every single time.
I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
Pizza will never tell you you`re fat unless you`re high as sh!t, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.
Black Friday at my house consist of pants 100% off
Are you still bored? Head over to Walmart, take a box of condoms to the checkout clerk, and ask where the fitting room is.
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.