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You`re as useless as a referee in the WWE
The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
Engineers: "okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
Just watched (insert title of horror movie) and it wasn`t scary at all. The crap in my pants is a pure coincidence.
One man’s potato is another man’s vodka.
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
Life`s short ... Drink fast
If you play my workday backwards, it`s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.