Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
I hate when I’m about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.
Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.
Still don`t understand why you can`t end a company-wide email with, `Later b*tches.`
I hate it when you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
Michael Schumacher`s former crew just visited him in the hospital. They changed the wheels on his bed and his drip in 4.4 secs.
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
"I don`t trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn`t for throwing at people who stress you out?
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules.
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.