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I`m pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me suffer, while rolling her eyes and painting her nails.
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
If you`re single and you know it hug your cat!
Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
I would rather have a bad day of fishing then a good day of work.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
Alcohol is never the answer. Unless someone asked me, "What are you doing this weekend?"
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
I wish bedtime was all the time.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.