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Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
The ‘poke’ button on Facebook should be replaced with a ‘slap’ button.
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
Making mirrors look good, since 1972
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don`t worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....
Why must I prove I`m me, if I`m callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.
I`m pretty sober, but I`m prettier drunk.