Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating
May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.