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Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
My dad said if I don`t get of facebook in 3 seconds he would jab my face into the keyboahajsirksjapquebxm
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths...
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.
Im 6`1", blue eyes, light brown hair, fit, own my own compa......oh crap, wrong website, sorry.
I finally got some medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder. Now if I could just remember the name of it and where I left it at.
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook