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Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
I won’t come to your party unless you have an animal I can spend the whole time hanging out with.
I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
I know it’s “cool” to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That’s somebody’s daughter.
Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
"Wow! That Lean Cuisine really filled me up!" ... said no one, ever.
You`re about as deep as a kiddies splash-pool..
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)