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Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
I love everyone these days... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others, I`d love to punch in the face...
I love you more than I hate everyone else.
I don`t know about you . But everytime I go on Twitter , I get this weird feeling , I am being followed.
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Walmart
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
Today I heard a guy on the street say, `It`s chowder season, baby!` so I pushed him in front of a bus because those are awesome last words