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whats the difference between a dog and a fox????? six shots
Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.
The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
Christmas is all about getting your entire dysfunctional family under one roof, hoping the cops don`t get called and nobody gets arrested.
Thanks for calling me to tell me you just sent that email
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
I would lose weight, but I hate losing..
Not to brag, but my bathroom floor is so clean I can sleep on it. Apparently.
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
Put your gossiping skills to the test, go write a novel...
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.