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Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
Some of the nicest women you`ll meet on Facebook are men.
off to bed...evil schemes don`t dream themselves up.
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
If my sarcasm confuses you it`s because you`re stupid.
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
Why is it that whenever I have to turn around in a strange driveway, I feel like they`re gonna come running out with pitchforks and torches?
If I learned anything from my children, it`s that it is always OK to do something stupid, as long as someone DARED you to do it.
I dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It`s not a beautiful poem, but it`s very deep.
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept
Hard liquor because I don`t don`t have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
Sorry I shouted "MORTAL KOMBAT!" when you started arguing with your husband at the grocery store