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A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
FYI : My post aren`t directed at anyone in particular...so should anyone be offended by them, I say if the shoe fits ... Wear It!!!!!
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
If I could move things by telekinesis I`d squeeze people`s insides and make them fart.
It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
so I got really drunk last night, but I was good and took a bus home. the only problem I have now is I dont remember where I put the keys to the bus.
It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
My boss told me that if I can`t show up sober then don`t bother coming to work tomorrow. Three day weekend!
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
Happy 4th of July ! ... It`s a holiday. You know what that means... Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.
Most people who think I`m a nice person have no idea that I`d trade any one of my kids for a deep dish pizza.
Occasionally, I like to take a look through my old status updates and smile at my sparkling wit.