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I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
Is "drunk" an emotion? Because if it is, I am feeling SUPER emotional right now...
I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer
Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.
About to stick a pin in your voodoo doll.... Brace yourself.
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
Spent $50 on E-bay to enlarge my happy place. The creep sent me a magnifying glass.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a taxi fill up at a gas station
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.