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My email notification is a cricket sound that drives the wife crazy looking for the cricket. Winning!
Some men get naked when they have to count up to 21...
Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
There are times, when I actually am hungry like the wolf. But thanks to Duran Duran I can`t tell anyone without sound like a complete f*cking idiot
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
I named my dog "5 Miles" so I can tell people, "I walk 5 Miles every day"
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English.