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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
Mondays should start at noon.
My weekends are basically just spent splitting a bloomin` onion with my bros at Outback Steakhouse while trying to figure out why girls don`t like us.
My personal fast food philosophy: If nobody knows you went to McDonald`s, you didn`t really go to McDonalds.
You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......
Women, we don`t say this enough, but thank you...Thank you for not killing us in our sleep. Sincerely, Men.
I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.