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A lot of people are very competitive when playing stupid.
Do you want to know Victoria`s Secret? Their lingerie doesn`t look the same on your girlfriend as it does on their models..
Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
You’re not an easy person to like….I like that about you.
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
Well, the people outside are frightful.
When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
The best thing about being single is all the sleeping around you can do…I can sleep all over my bed!
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
Last time I saw jugs that big, 2 hillbillies were blowing on them.
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.