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Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
There is a special place in hell for people who are not ready to order when it`s their turn.
It`s cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can`t even dress the kids properly.
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
“The darndest things.” -kids
Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
We`ll be friends `til we`re old and senile ... Then we`ll be new friends.
That time Homer`s arms were stuck in a vending machine until he realized he could just let go is basically what all of life is like