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Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
"The Ugly Duckling" has a great message. Everything in life will work itself out once you become physically attractive.
What if animals all speak a universal language, and we’re the odd ones out???
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
Why does `beans` only mean secret when it`s "Don`t spill the beans?" Why can`t I say I have a dirty little beans to tell you?
Women seem to want security. At least that`s what they yell whenever I approach them.
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
A man who scratches his butt should not bite fingernails!
I can`t afford to go on vacation these days,so I just drink until I don`t know where the duck I am or how I got there.
Don`t blame me, I was born awesome ;)
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
Good friends do not let you do stupid things….. alone :)
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.