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why earn money when it comes easier when you just ask
everybody has a girlfriend or boyfriend, and i`m just over here like `i love food`.
Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
Life is simple. Eat. Sleep. Update Facebook status.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night