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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I`m pretty sure that`s how I`m feeling today.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is nine-seven now, and we don`t know where they hell she is.
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
I think Iām allergic to mornings.
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?
My lifetime stats are pretty average until you move over to the Pizza Consumed column.
All of those in favor of bitch slapping stupid people, say "I"
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.
It`s weird how many people at my office are named "Hey."