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Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl who`s knees don`t bend.
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
I`d like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."
Be thankful your GPS doesn`t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
Note to self: Asking the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your Facebook status in no way helps you get out of a DUI.
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
I saw a comedian one time who did nothing but make geography puns. talk abbottabad act.
Things I`m confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?
Wonders why there´s an ice cream truck for kids but not a frozen Margaurita truck for adults?