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i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
I had no plans on looking sexy today, but sh!t happens.
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
I don`t really like the idea that James Franco might be in my grandkids` history textbooks.
May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode