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Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
It`s not their fault, per se, but at some point, Crayola has to be held responsible for continuing to make crayons nostril-width.
My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM.
I`d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
My “I hate you” face must look a lot like my “I’m loving this conversation” face.
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
If I had a time machine, I`d just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.