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The only time I want to hear about your baby is when you tell me it ain`t mine.
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
I`m changing my facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts, and i press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
Well, it`s about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his d!ck ... maybe squint a little bit
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks