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In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
Someone should use screen recording software to record an entire day’s worth of working on spreadsheets and post it to YouTube so that I can play it full screen and pretend like I’m working.
Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow.
My mind has a mind of its own.
The fact that this peanut butter jar states that it "Contains Peanuts" makes me extremely nervous for the human race.